Don’t be up in your head. This is the part that still grabs me days later.

How did she know? You’re telling me…. I’m not the only one who does this?
Whewwww! What a relief.

What happens up in your head?

• We’re convinced no one else has our same fears and concerns.
• We develop assumptions, myths and stereotypes about another person’s motivations.
• We miss out on opportunities to connect with other people.

I read a post today by Chris Brogan, entitled, We could do so much more.  He wrote about his experience at a new media networking event.  Towards the end of his post he writes,

Know what I saw more than anything else when I really took a moment to look around? Lonely people. I saw people not connecting. I saw lots of people who could’ve used a little attention. And I saw many people with lots of energy looking for a place to put it. And that means we have opportunities.

Reading this reminded me of the conference call I was on this week. My lesson from his post and my conference call is we value people when we connect with them by listening and by taking the time to really see them.

Do More…
Do more than exist. Live.
Do more than hear. Listen.
Do more than agree. Cooperate.
Do more than talk. Communicate.
Do more than grow. Bloom.
Do more than spend. Invest.
Do more than think. Create.
Do more than work. Excel.
Do more than share. Give.
Do more than decide. Discern.
Do more than consider. Commit.
Do more than forgive. Forget.
Do more than help. Serve.
Do more than coexist. Reconcile.
Do more than sing. Worship.
Do more than think. Plan.
Do more than dream. Do.
Do more than see. Perceive.
Do more than read. Apply.
Do more than receive. Reciprocate.
Do more than choose. Focus.
Do more than wish. Believe.
Do more than advise.  Help.
Do more than speak. Impart.
Do more than encourage. Inspire.
Do more than add. Multiply.
Do more than change. Improve.
Do more than reach. Stretch.
Do more than ponder. Pray.
Do more than just live. Live for Jesus.
-from “An Enemy Called Average” by John Mason

How you missed out on some opportunities to connect with your family or people you’ve met this week? What will you do differently?

doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I don’t know if Albert Einstein said this or not.   What I do know is it describes my daily choices.   I’ve come to realize I want the rewards without the work.  I want the  glory of reaching the goal without the discipline it takes to reach it.  I like the idea of possibilities, but not the commitment it takes to see it through to reality.  Does this sound like you too?

I have a question for you.  Why do we think that even though we haven’t changed one thing about our attitudes or our actions that somehow today is the day, things will magically be different?   Insanity.  Procrastination.  Perfectionist mindset.  Whatever you want to call it.  It keeps you stuck and not moving forward.

We have to be honest with ourselves about what we need.   I have some habits to change.   Maybe what we need to change – to break free from mindsets that keep me stuck – is to be more transparent and to hold myself accountable.

While I’m working on losing this weight and building my physical muscles, I’m also working on my spiritual and mental muscles, as well.  I’m exercising patience, perseverance and discipline.   God is changing me from the inside out.   I will check in with you – the readers of this blog – by video this Friday to share my progress and the lessons I’m learning on this journey.  I’m holding myself accountable to you.  I will  do this.  I will keep this commitment to myself.  I will NOT keep exercising the same habits and expect a different result.

Have you been making the same decisions month after month and year after year and expecting that somehow this year is going to be different?    We talked about this in my post, Change is the new ME.   Again,  fast forward to December 31st of this year.   What is one thing you’ve resolved to do year after year and you haven’t done it yet?  What changes are you making this year to make it a reality?

A few years ago my husband and I began investing (on a really small scale) in real estate. We were able to experience average level success at this. We entered this arena before the housing boom started. As the market got hotter we were eager to invest more. We also encouraged friends to partner with us. It seemed almost immediately after our friends got involved our bubble and their bubble burst. In 2007 we watched slowly but steadily all the due diligence, time and money that we all had invested dwindle away. This was probably one of the most discouraging times of my life.  That season of discouragement lasted for about 2 years.  It seemed as if no amount of prayer or hard work on our part could change the situation. We prayed that our friendships and our investments would not deteriorate – fortunately the friendships that mattered most didn’t, but unfortunately the investments did.

During this time I would continually question God and ask why He would allow this to happen. Why didn’t He stop us from going through with these deals? Why couldn’t He at least change the outcomes for our friends, even if He wouldn’t change them for us? When was He going to change our situation and bring us out of this mess?

Everyday I expected that today would be the day we would wake up from this mess and it would all be over. I just knew that by the end of each month our situation would be different. It wasn’t. Nothing around me seemed to change. In fact it seemed to get worse. I was looking for God in our situation and I couldn’t seem to find him.

One day I was reading Ephesians 2:10 from an amplified version of the Bible and it came alive to me.  God has actually planned a good life for you and I. That scripture meant so much to me, because I didn’t feel like I was living a good life.  I purposed at that moment that if God had actually planned a good life for me, then I better start living it.  I made a decision that I was going to have joy in my life no matter what my circumstances looked like.

During this time,  (July 2008) I attended the She Speaks Women’s Conference hosted by Proverbs 31 ministries.   This is an annual conference that equips and encourages women called by God to take God’s peace, His perspective and His purpose back to your home and your community.   You leave with a greater sense of your unique purpose and talents.   There is a tract for writers and/or bloggers, speakers and women’s ministry leaders.    There is even a tract for teenage girls (ages 14-17) who feel called to lead through speaking, writing or by setting an example.

That weekend in 2008…

1. God confirmed in my heart and mind over and over again, though the vision tarry, wait for it.  At the appointed time it will come to pass. This is what my heart needed (and still) needs to hear so desperately.

2. On the closing night of the conference we were each told to take a card with a scripture on it.  My scriptures was 1 Peter 2:9 (But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light). This scripture was significant for me, because I was a member of a Christian sorority in college.  1 Peter 2:9 was one of our foundational scriptures.

3.  I prayed to make a connection of significance with someone. Unfortunately,  I didn’t.  I have a close knit circle of friends that I’ve had for years and years.  I’m ready to allow God to enlarge my circle of influence.

Here I sit today in March 2010 about 3 years after this low point in my life.  I don’t share part of my story with you as someone who has received victory in my bank account, but I have received victory in the place that matters most – in my mind.  I’m determined to live my life with NO regrets, so here I go again chasing after my ultimate dream.  A dream that’s as much apart of me as the color of my eyes.  I’m called to be a writer.  I AM a writer.  My dream is to write HIS answer and to have it ignite life change in the lives of millions.

When I attended this conference in 2008, I played the safe route.  I chose the speaking tract, because that’s where I felt comfortable.  This year, I would like to receive the conference scholarship, because I’m going after the dream of writing my first book.

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous (wo)men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible ~ T.E. Lawrence

Where are my other dangerous dreamers?  Has an obstacle come up in your life that’s tried to suffocate the dream inside of you? Share your dreams in the comments.  Let’s keep each other encouraged.

I really knew very little about how to lose weight.  I purchased a few magazines on the subject and attempted to follow their advice.  I did have a little success with losing the weight (still didn’t know anything about how to maintain).   As a reward, one of us (me or my husband) decided it would be a good idea if I bought a few new outfits.   I always enjoyed clothes shopping before, so why not?

We got to the clothing store.   I found quite a few outfits that I liked.   I knew I had gained weight, but I had also lost some of it.   I picked out the size I thought I could fit.    I was happy with the new clothes and was ready to leave the store. 

My husband’s response:  Aren’t you going to try those on?

My response: No, I never try on clothes in the store.  I try them on at home.

His response: You don’t want to buy clothes and then get them home and they don’t fit.  You would have to make an extra trip back up here to return them.

My response: Might not fit?  They will fit.  It takes too much time to try clothes on. … (few minutes of this)  Ok. Ok. I’ll try them on.

I grabbed the clothes and head to the dressing room.  You know what happened next, don’t you?

First reason I hate dressing rooms:   the lighting exposes every single flaw in your skin and the mirrors magnify every lump, bump and bulge on your body.

Second reason I hate dressings rooms:   As I began trying on the clothes, I finally came face to face with just how much weight I had gained.   The reality was staring right back at me.  I could not fit into ANY of the outfits I had chosen. I tugged.  I pulled.  I sucked in and then, finally,  I admitted defeat.  I surrendered.   I realized I would need a bigger size.  This is when the tears began to flow.  There was no more denial.  It wasn’t the lighting.   It wasn’t the mirror.  It wasn’t the clothes.  It was the really bad eating habits I started as a kid and they had finally caught up with me.

I wish I could say that incident happened in the last few years.  It didn’t.   It happened about 10 or 11 years ago.   I wish I could say I had some *AHA* moment that inspired me to change.  Nope.  If I had, I wouldn’t be blogging about this right now.

At the beginning of this year,  I had to ask myself, “how long are you going to keep thinking it’s the dressing room mirror?”  The curious thing about mirrors? They simply reflect whatever you put in front of them.     I’ve had some moments in the mirrors of my life this year in various areas.

You want to see change in 2010?  Tomorrow’s post is about making the commitment to take action and stop living the definition of insanity.

If you held up a mirror in front of your life today, what realities would be reflected back at you?   Leave me a comment.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for they are sticking to their diet. – my refrigerator magnet

I remember the day I became aware of my weight.   (I know for some of you it’s been a lifelong struggle.)   I think I was in my third year of college.  I had just returned back to school after having spent the summer doing an internship.   I was standing in line in the cafeteria.  A friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen in a while, walked up gave me a hug and proceeded to tell me that I looked like I had put on some weight.   I can tell you in all honesty, I never thought I looked any different.  Despite her “observation”,  I don’t remember feeling self conscious or sad after our conversation.

It’s strange to me that I don’t really remember what I felt about my own weight after that.  I do remember I started paying more attention to other women’s body types (ie. comparing myself to other women more than I already had).   And about 9 months before I got married, I decided that I needed help losing the weight  and I went to one of those centers that gives you a full weight loss plan.  When they weighed me, they determined for my height,  my weight was in an acceptable range.   I left the center and decided in preparation for our wedding I would lose a few pounds on my own.   I worked out (a lot), walked everywhere (didn’t have a car) and cut back on my eating.    By my wedding day I had lost enough weight to feel confident.  My dress fit perfectly and I thought my weight loss journey had ended.

My first year of marriage I gained 25 lbs!  25lbs! That’s the amount of weight some women (not me – I gain more like 35 – 45 lbs) gain during their pregnancies.  Guess what? Again, I honestly didn’t even notice.   I remember trying on some shorts or pants and thinking, “hmm, I must have shrunk these in the dryer.”   Each time I tried on something that used to fit, but didn’t, I would think, “I need to do a better job with laundry. I’m shrinking all my clothes.”  The thing I should have observed was that my husband’s clothes weren’t shrinking.  Stop laughing.  I did not.

I finally snapped out of my denial when I was forced to move up sizes in my clothes.  This began my weight loss journey that has had it’s highs and lows for the last 12 years.

I thought about not even writing a post about weight loss, because quite frankly, it’s a topic that’s been done to death.   Are there any original insights that I can offer on this subject?  Maybe.

When did you became body conscious? Is this a good memory or a sad one?

Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you why a women’s dressing room can be one of the most depressing places on Earth.

According to the author, this book takes you inside the mind of the most powerful consumers on the planet – women.   The basic premise of the book is that men and women are different.   (I know you’re thinking, Duhhhh…  Be patient.  We’re going somewhere with this. )   Based on that understanding,  the author asserts if the men and women who create and implement marketing messages for their companies would arm themselves with this knowledge that women are females first and consumers second, they will be more likely to produce products and services women really want.

A few of my observations write off the bat have been:

1. This book really has a unique feel to it.   It’s a book with a personality.   It feels less like a book about marketing and more like a book about relationships (which I love) – a book you would find in the “self-help” section of a bookstore.
2. I found this book in the marketing section of the bookstore.  To my surprise, it spends a large portion of the book discussing the psychology of women’s spending habits.
3. It provides a mini-course on the differences between men and women.  I felt like I could almost hear Steve Harvey saying, “Act Like a Lady, Think like a man.”  It even concludes with a “Mencyclopedia” which is a  brief glossary of terms that’s intended to help men “decode a woman’s speech.”
4. The book provides quite a few real-life examples of how companies are applying this information to their marketing messages.

It’s written to help businesses “get behind the eyes” of women.   It provides in depth insight into what women (as consumers) want based on the author’s previous marketing experiences.

In tomorrow’s post we’ll start to explore the role of gender discussed in the book and how this could potentially influence your  business strategy, whether you’re still kicking around business ideas or growing an existing business.  What are some of your favorite stores to shop online or in store?  What is appealing about them?

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and the ones you love most!

See you back next week.  We will continue the book discussion from Wednesday’s post, Ain’t I A Woman?.