doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I don’t know if Albert Einstein said this or not.   What I do know is it describes my daily choices.   I’ve come to realize I want the rewards without the work.  I want the  glory of reaching the goal without the discipline it takes to reach it.  I like the idea of possibilities, but not the commitment it takes to see it through to reality.  Does this sound like you too?

I have a question for you.  Why do we think that even though we haven’t changed one thing about our attitudes or our actions that somehow today is the day, things will magically be different?   Insanity.  Procrastination.  Perfectionist mindset.  Whatever you want to call it.  It keeps you stuck and not moving forward.

We have to be honest with ourselves about what we need.   I have some habits to change.   Maybe what we need to change – to break free from mindsets that keep me stuck – is to be more transparent and to hold myself accountable.

While I’m working on losing this weight and building my physical muscles, I’m also working on my spiritual and mental muscles, as well.  I’m exercising patience, perseverance and discipline.   God is changing me from the inside out.   I will check in with you – the readers of this blog – by video this Friday to share my progress and the lessons I’m learning on this journey.  I’m holding myself accountable to you.  I will  do this.  I will keep this commitment to myself.  I will NOT keep exercising the same habits and expect a different result.

Have you been making the same decisions month after month and year after year and expecting that somehow this year is going to be different?    We talked about this in my post, Change is the new ME.   Again,  fast forward to December 31st of this year.   What is one thing you’ve resolved to do year after year and you haven’t done it yet?  What changes are you making this year to make it a reality?

I really knew very little about how to lose weight.  I purchased a few magazines on the subject and attempted to follow their advice.  I did have a little success with losing the weight (still didn’t know anything about how to maintain).   As a reward, one of us (me or my husband) decided it would be a good idea if I bought a few new outfits.   I always enjoyed clothes shopping before, so why not?

We got to the clothing store.   I found quite a few outfits that I liked.   I knew I had gained weight, but I had also lost some of it.   I picked out the size I thought I could fit.    I was happy with the new clothes and was ready to leave the store. 

My husband’s response:  Aren’t you going to try those on?

My response: No, I never try on clothes in the store.  I try them on at home.

His response: You don’t want to buy clothes and then get them home and they don’t fit.  You would have to make an extra trip back up here to return them.

My response: Might not fit?  They will fit.  It takes too much time to try clothes on. … (few minutes of this)  Ok. Ok. I’ll try them on.

I grabbed the clothes and head to the dressing room.  You know what happened next, don’t you?

First reason I hate dressing rooms:   the lighting exposes every single flaw in your skin and the mirrors magnify every lump, bump and bulge on your body.

Second reason I hate dressings rooms:   As I began trying on the clothes, I finally came face to face with just how much weight I had gained.   The reality was staring right back at me.  I could not fit into ANY of the outfits I had chosen. I tugged.  I pulled.  I sucked in and then, finally,  I admitted defeat.  I surrendered.   I realized I would need a bigger size.  This is when the tears began to flow.  There was no more denial.  It wasn’t the lighting.   It wasn’t the mirror.  It wasn’t the clothes.  It was the really bad eating habits I started as a kid and they had finally caught up with me.

I wish I could say that incident happened in the last few years.  It didn’t.   It happened about 10 or 11 years ago.   I wish I could say I had some *AHA* moment that inspired me to change.  Nope.  If I had, I wouldn’t be blogging about this right now.

At the beginning of this year,  I had to ask myself, “how long are you going to keep thinking it’s the dressing room mirror?”  The curious thing about mirrors? They simply reflect whatever you put in front of them.     I’ve had some moments in the mirrors of my life this year in various areas.

You want to see change in 2010?  Tomorrow’s post is about making the commitment to take action and stop living the definition of insanity.

If you held up a mirror in front of your life today, what realities would be reflected back at you?   Leave me a comment.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for they are sticking to their diet. – my refrigerator magnet

I remember the day I became aware of my weight.   (I know for some of you it’s been a lifelong struggle.)   I think I was in my third year of college.  I had just returned back to school after having spent the summer doing an internship.   I was standing in line in the cafeteria.  A friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen in a while, walked up gave me a hug and proceeded to tell me that I looked like I had put on some weight.   I can tell you in all honesty, I never thought I looked any different.  Despite her “observation”,  I don’t remember feeling self conscious or sad after our conversation.

It’s strange to me that I don’t really remember what I felt about my own weight after that.  I do remember I started paying more attention to other women’s body types (ie. comparing myself to other women more than I already had).   And about 9 months before I got married, I decided that I needed help losing the weight  and I went to one of those centers that gives you a full weight loss plan.  When they weighed me, they determined for my height,  my weight was in an acceptable range.   I left the center and decided in preparation for our wedding I would lose a few pounds on my own.   I worked out (a lot), walked everywhere (didn’t have a car) and cut back on my eating.    By my wedding day I had lost enough weight to feel confident.  My dress fit perfectly and I thought my weight loss journey had ended.

My first year of marriage I gained 25 lbs!  25lbs! That’s the amount of weight some women (not me – I gain more like 35 – 45 lbs) gain during their pregnancies.  Guess what? Again, I honestly didn’t even notice.   I remember trying on some shorts or pants and thinking, “hmm, I must have shrunk these in the dryer.”   Each time I tried on something that used to fit, but didn’t, I would think, “I need to do a better job with laundry. I’m shrinking all my clothes.”  The thing I should have observed was that my husband’s clothes weren’t shrinking.  Stop laughing.  I did not.

I finally snapped out of my denial when I was forced to move up sizes in my clothes.  This began my weight loss journey that has had it’s highs and lows for the last 12 years.

I thought about not even writing a post about weight loss, because quite frankly, it’s a topic that’s been done to death.   Are there any original insights that I can offer on this subject?  Maybe.

When did you became body conscious? Is this a good memory or a sad one?

Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you why a women’s dressing room can be one of the most depressing places on Earth.