6 Enemies of Career Moms or Mompreneurs: Comparisons

This week’s enemy is a sly and cunning one.  It’s easy to become entangled  with it and not even realize it.

Imagine this:

On a good day you get to go to the grocery store alone (woo hoo!).  On this particular day you are planning to make your family’s favorite meal.  As you  turn down the grocery store aisle to grab the ingredients you need, at the end of the aisle you see a mom with one baby in the cart and a toddler on the floor beside her pulling her pants leg.  Even though you are quite a distance from the mom and her toddler you see all the signs of what’s coming next.  The child is tired, hungry and is in no mood to be reasonable.  He asks mom nicely at first for what he wants.  When she says, no.  His requests persists.  Mom continues to say NO.  What happens next was inevitable – TANTRUM city! From the way this kid is carrying on you would think someone just pulled off his toenails.

The mom is visibly embarrassed.   The baby starts to cry from all the screaming.  The mom has a battle on her hands, a full cart of groceries and no visible light at the end of the tunnel.    In this scenario…

• A) Are you thinking to yourself, if this were you it would have been handled differently?
• B) Would you give the mom a smile and let her know it happens to the best of us?
• C) Are you thinking, “Hey! I’m the mom with the screaming toddler. I wish I was a better mom like ________ (you fill-in-the-blank)”

There are 2 different reactions in this example.   Reaction B is one of empathy.  Reaction A and C are interesting, because they both are comparing yourself to someone else but in different ways.  We compare ourselves not just when we feel inferior, but also when we feel superior in an area of our lives. We can never compare ourselves to other women (mothers) and think we’re okay.  When we compare ourselves to others, we are using them as our standard.  We are saying, “her life is the measuring stick for how I should live my life.”

Comparison sets you up for disappointment.   It’s a confidence killer.  It breads jealousy, envy, resentment, discontentment and worry (just to name a few).   It subtly whispers, “you’re not good enough.”  It implies, “don’t appreciate or be content with your own life.”   One of the best ways to end feeling like you don’t measure up as a mom is to STOP comparing myself to other moms (women)!    For those areas in your parenting, your marriage or any other relationships where you really  do need to make adjustments learn from those you respect and admire, but don’t make the mistake of thinking they have it all figured out either.

I think about comparing yourself to other moms like cheating on a test.  Why do people cheat on test?  They assume the person they are copying knows the answers.  They discount what they’ve learned and place their focus on what someone else has learned.  Are you assuming other moms have all the answers?  Are you assuming you have all the answers?  I have some news for you – keep your eyes on your own paper! Not one of us gets it ALL right ALL of the time not even the experts.  We are ALL still learning and growing.

Has anything positive ever come from you comparing yourself to other moms?  Why are comparisons especially detrimental to career moms and mompreneurs?    Please, leave a comment.

The Chief Diva of GoodLifeDiva.com (Kendra) believes one of the reasons a mom struggles with comparing herself to other is due to a lack of confidence in her unique design.    If you would like to find out more about how the Chief Diva can help awaken the dreams of the women in your small group, organization or business, please visit www.GoodLifeDiva.com.